What is Managing Up?
At its core, managing up is about adopting a client-service mindset and being supportive of your supervisor in a way that strengthens your relationship. It’s all about understanding their needs, being proactive, and positioning yourself as an indispensable asset.

Why is Managing Up Important?
Effective communication in the workplace is critical for success, but managing up takes it a step further. By understanding and anticipating your supervisor’s needs, you can help reduce their stress, improve team efficiency, and create a more harmonious work environment. Plus, it’s a surefire way to fast-track your own career progression.

Here are some top tips from our trainers to help you excel in managing up:

1. Adopt a Client-Service Mentality

Think of your supervisor as your internal client and focus on these four key areas:

• Empathy: Understand and appreciate your supervisor’s perspective and challenges.
• Add Value: Consistently find ways to contribute to your supervisor’s success.
• Transparency: Keep communication open and honest.
• Stay Coachable: Be receptive to feedback and willing to adapt.

2. Remember, Supervisors are People Too

It’s easy to forget that supervisors and senior colleagues are just human. They make mistakes, face challenges, and strive to serve clients as best as they can. A little empathy goes a long way.

3. Understand Your Supervisor

To be a valuable resource, it’s essential to understand your supervisor’s behaviors, preferences, goals, and anxieties. What matters most to them? What keeps them up at night? By grasping these aspects, you can better support their needs.

4. Practice Transparent Communication

Transparency is key to effective communication. Focus on these three areas:

• Be Proactive: Provide information before it’s asked for or needed.
• Be Clear: Be succinct and specific in all communication. Remember, “bottom line up front.”
• Know When to Ask: Seek approval or guidance before straying too far from the original assignment. Understand how your supervisor prefers to be communicated with.

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Managing up is more than just a buzzword—it’s a powerful strategy for building strong relationships, enhancing workplace communication, and driving success. By adopting a client-service mindset, showing empathy, understanding your supervisor, and practicing transparent communication, you’ll become an invaluable asset to your team.

Looking to take your managing up skills to the next level? Book a call to learn about how the services we can provide for you and your team!

We’ve all been there. You feel like you’ve said the same thing over and over about what someone needs to do to improve their performance, and yet nothing ever seems to change. Over time, these feedback conversations become more and more frustrating for you and the other person, leading to frayed patience, stinging words, and an even bigger downward spiral in their performance—the very thing you wanted to improve in the first place! Want to break the feedback doom loop? Here are four pro tips that will help your feedback stick so you can get the best out of others and be the leader you aspire to be.

Why Feedback Doesn’t Always Take

Want to know why you’ve had so many conversations about what needs to improve and nothing changes? It probably has a lot to do with how human beings are fundamentally wired.  

Because the brain’s primary purpose is to keep us alive, it’s primed to be on the lookout for threats. Even if the conversation seems benign to you, feedback can still feel scary to the other person. Unfortunately, once the brain is hijacked and we move into a threat response, we aren’t capable of listening well and processing information. So even when the other person nods their head in understanding, if they are in distress, they can’t really hear what you have to say. In fact, all they are probably thinking about is digging in to defend their position (fight) or escaping from you (flight), leading to less progress and more frustration on both sides. For more on how you can manage yourself well during feedback conversations, check out this blog from my colleague Veronica Matthews.

Catch them doing something right

The fastest way to break the cycle? Be intentional about noticing what they do right and enthusiastically recognize it in the moment. As Marcus Buckingham and Ashley Goodall note, “By helping your team member recognize what excellence looks like [ ]—by saying, “That! Yes, that!”—you’re offering [] her the chance to gain an insight; you’re highlighting a pattern that is already there [ ] within her so that [they] can recognize it, anchor it, re-create it, and refine it.” 

When people feel good because their accomplishments are recognized, they will feel motivated to do those things, even more, to keep those positive emotions flowing. So if you are overly aggressive in anything you do when it comes to feedback, make it noticing them doing things the way you want and call it out!

Keep it clean!

It’s normal to be frustrated when working with someone who seems stuck. Unfortunately, our false perceptions about why they are stuck can lead us to be extra spicy and even personal in our feedback exchanges, all of which are counterproductive to behavior change.

To remove the sting from your conversation, prep ahead of time and focus on using “clean” language free of adjectives and descriptors. Just stick with sharing the who, what, when, and where of the situation. Notice I skipped the why. This is because why often implies judgment, and feedback that sticks is grounded facts and not your interpretation of the other person’s motivations. As Dane Jensen and Peggy Baumgartner write, “This ability to separate observations from interpretations is the cornerstone of effective feedback because it minimizes the potential for debate (“I wasn’t rude; I was direct!”) and keeps the discussion focused squarely on observable facts.” 

Make it about learning…not lecturing

One of my coaching mentors recently told me, when it comes to development, “The treasure is in the bumps in the road.” So once you’ve delivered a descriptor-free summary of your observations, help them find the gold in their performance hiccups by having a learning-focused conversation, not a lecture.  

 Ask open-ended questions, like:

“When you faced a challenge like this in the past, what worked for you?”

“What will you do differently next time?”

“What obstacles might you face along the way?”

But the conversation shouldn’t just be about what they can do. By asking, “What can I start/stop doing that will make it easier to work with me?”, you can strengthen your partnership and make it clear that feedback is good for you too. You might even find there is something specific you can do, like being more explicit about due dates, that will help accelerate their progress and reshape their perception of you. 

Most importantly, follow up regularly

In the Marine Corps, we say: “Supervision is the most important troop leading step,” and this is especially true when it comes to behavioral change. The more consistent non-judgmental rudder steers and positive reinforcement we can provide along the way, the more emotionally ready your colleague will be to receive feedback in the future and the faster they will improve. So, create reminders on your calendar to follow up. And if they tell you something isn’t working, collaborate on new options, which will further cement your partnership and learning. 

As you move forward, be prepared for setbacks. It’s human nature to revert back to familiar behaviors, especially when we are under stress. When you notice this, simply share your observation with them in a non-judgmental way and ask what they are noticing. Often, just having a short conversation is enough to create awareness and get things back on track.

Remember that the effort you put into upping your own feedback game to improve your team’s performance can also ensure you show up in the way you aspire to as a leader. The more you demonstrate your own willingness to learn and grow, the more open others will be to changing and the more accelerated their growth will be– proof that feedback that sticks but doesn’t sting is a win-win for everyone.

Did you find the pro tips for giving feedback in this blog post helpful? At Fringe, we have a ton of tricks up our sleeves that you can use to improve how you communicate and lead. Schedule a call with us to discuss how a workshop on feedback or our coaching support could help you strengthen relationships and elevate your team’s performance to the next level. 

Sweaty palms, dry mouth, temples pulsing, fast beating heart. No, that isn’t you perched on the platform preparing to zipline; that’s you thinking about giving feedback to someone on your team. If dread or nervousness is your typical response when you think of having to give developmental feedback, don’t worry, you aren’t alone. 

There are various reasons managers would rather zipline over the Atlantic Ocean than give feedback, including not wanting to hurt someone’s feelings, not knowing how to provide effective feedback, fear of demotivating employees, and not knowing how the person will respond. According to a Chief Executive article, Why Leaders Avoid Giving Feedback, leaders especially fear feedback conversations because they don’t want to damage their working relationship with the other person. Whatever the reason, what do all of these justifications have in common? You! The feedback giver. Your fears, anxieties, and assumptions lie at the root of your not feeling more comfortable giving feedback. But the good news is you don’t really belong in the equation at all. The more you can shift from being you-focused to focusing on the person receiving the feedback, the more at ease you’ll be with giving feedback (even the most constructive). 

Why Do We Care So Much About Feedback?

Feedback is information about a person’s performance. Feedback can be positive and negative and simply tells a person what behaviors they should start doing, what they should stop doing, and what they should continue to do. Without getting feedback on all three of these dimensions, your team members’ professional growth is stunted. Quite naturally, we engage in behaviors we think will help us succeed. But we don’t know what we don’t know. We need others, our supervisors, our peers, and those who report to us, to give us their perspective on our behavior to learn what behaviors will help us succeed and do so effectively and efficiently.

While you may be the person observing (and being impacted by) the behavior and giving the feedback, it’s not about you when it comes to delivering the feedback. Feedback is a gift to the recipient, designed to help their growth. They are the star of this conversation, not you.

But feedback conversations can be very vulnerable. Giving and receiving feedback can make even the toughest professional feel uneasy. Feedback conversations may generate feelings of discomfort. If these feelings prevent you from delivering feedback, you’re letting your comfort hinder someone else’s professional growth. And how fair is that? If you find yourself in this space, here are four ways to reduce your fear of uncomfortable feedback conversations.

Put Yourself in the Other Person’s Shoes

While we all know about the Golden Rule – treat others as you want to be treated – by now, we’ve hopefully all up-leveled to the Platinum Rule – treat others the way that they want to be treated. Applying the Platinum Rule in feedback conversations will go a long way toward making both the feedback giver and receiver more comfortable. For example, if you know that the receiver isn’t much of a morning person and isn’t entirely on top of their game until 11 AM, don’t schedule a tough feedback conversation for the first thing in the morning. 

But what if you don’t know that much about the other person? Maybe you’ve only worked with them for a limited time and haven’t had the opportunity to observe them in different situations or learn much about them. In that case, we’ll allow falling back on the Golden Rule. More than likely, in a feedback conversation, you would want to be treated with respect and compassion in an honest and cordial manner. For most of us, receiving feedback makes us feel very vulnerable, so the need to treat others with care goes up exponentially when giving feedback. When you put yourself in the other person’s shoes, your compassion, empathy, and good intentions will lead the conversation. 

And don’t forget your intention. Your intent in giving the feedback is to help them grow, so keep focused on how they can use this feedback to improve and succeed. The more you think of the other person, the less you will think about yourself and the less discomfort you will have around the conversation.

Ask Some Questions

Now that you’re clear with your intention to help the other person improve, what do you want to share with them? Preparing for the conversation. What aspects of the person’s performance are going well? What are the behaviors that are contributing to their success? What behaviors should the person stop doing to be more effective? What behaviors can the person start doing that will help them get to the next level of performance? What are things that the person doesn’t know that you have observed that hurt their performance? What are the examples that you can bring up to support the information that you plan to share? What is the impact of the behavior on the team, client, or the organization and why does the behavior matter? Write some talking points to use as a guide for the conversation. How might the recipient react? How will you respond? Thinking through navigating objections or worst-case scenarios will build your confidence and help you communicate more effectively in the moment. 

Plan and Practice

Feedback conversations are too often had off-the-cuff and with minimal preparation. If giving feedback tends to cause you anxiety, you might spend more time stewing in your downward spiral of emotion than preparing for the actual conversation. One way to pull yourself out of that emotional storm is to turn on the more analytical part of your brain by planning the feedback conversation. This has the dual benefit of calming your anxiety and ensuring that the feedback recipient is getting the most thorough and accurate information you have.

Be clear with yourself about the message that you want to communicate. Ask yourself questions to help you hone in on the key behaviors you want the person to start doing, keep doing, or stop doing. What examples can you point to of the particular behavior? What is the impact of the behavior on the team, client, or organization? And why is shifting or continuing this behavior necessary? Write some talking points to use as a guide for the conversation. 

Remember that this is a conversation, not a monologue. Think through how the recipient might respond. Might they have any objections or defenses? How will you navigate those? Thinking through navigating objections or worst-case scenarios will both build your confidence and help you communicate more effectively in the moment. 

Then, role-play! This thought may be cringe-inducing, but practicing having a conversation with someone else beforehand will supercharge your preparation. You will be more comfortable if, during the feedback, the conversation isn’t the first time you’re speaking the words aloud. During your role-play, resist the urge to expound, deviate far from your talking points, or go off script. This could lead to rambling and confusion. Practice saying a point, stopping to listen for a response, and asking follow-up questions—preparation and practice help reduce your fear of having an uncomfortable feedback conversation.

Hold the conversation

Breathe, stretch, and relax as best you can before you have the conversation. Put time on the calendar so that the conversation is scheduled, not impromptu, so that you can have a private space to meet, minimizing distractions and interruptions, and so that the other person is emotionally prepared to receive some feedback.

Even though you’ve prepared your talking points, don’t jump right in. Ask the other person some questions first. Ask what they think they’ve been doing well and what they could improve. By letting the recipient lead, you’re both demonstrating that you care about their opinion and taking some of the pressure off yourself. Their answers should align with your message. And if not, well, now you have more information about their perspective that will help you have a more productive conversation.

Once you’ve communicated your feedback, ask some more questions. Ask what their takeaways are from your feedback, actively listen to what they say, and reflect back and or clarify what you hear. You may not have practiced every potential response the person can have, and that’s OK, remain composed and take a curious posture, resisting getting defensive or adversarial. Stick to your points, be clear, and set agreements around the action the person will take to improve. Remember to be kind, respectful, and empathetic. Be sure that at the end of the conversation, both you and the recipient agree on the message and next steps, and have the recipient memorialize that in email so that you know where you’re starting from next time.

Giving feedback can be awkward and uncomfortable, but it doesn’t have to be. Remember that feedback is just information – critical information that the other person needs to develop. Center the other person and take the focus off of yourself and your feelings. By following the four steps above, you can be sure that your next feedback conversation will be effective and a bit more pleasant for you.

Schedule a call with us to discuss how a workshop on feedback or our coaching support could help you and your colleagues reduce the fear surrounding having feedback conversations. 

It’s no secret, lawyers and the legal profession have been referred to as dog-eat-dog. It is understandable why – the legal system is inherently adversarial; the situations involve high stakes; and there are extreme time pressures. One might also say that many successful attorneys came up through the ranks under partners who could be described as bristly, all in the name of learning how to be resilient and tough.

No doubt, clients may yell, opposing counsel will oftentimes go for the jugular, and judges will be no-nonsense. No doubt, associates will need to learn how to respond to these situations without folding under pressure. What better way to train them in how to respond than by being mean, adversarial, and harsh, right? Actually, No! 

Just because that’s how it was done in the past doesn’t make it the best way to handle things now, or ever, really. In fact, being mean, bristly, and overly harsh could be regarded as bullying and uncivil, which could have damaging effects on your firm’s culture and ability to retain your top talent. No one will disagree that having thick skin in the legal profession is necessary; however, being mean to your associates with the intention of toughening them up just may backfire on you.

In fact, Christine Porath, author of Mastering Civility: A Manifesto for the Workplace, says that “rudeness and disrespect can pass from person to person like a virus and the human and financial toll on companies can be devastating.” Her findings include that incivility made people far less motivated, resulting in 66% less work effort, 80% loss of work time, and 12% choosing to leave their employment. According to 2Civility, 65% of people globally express that the lack of civility and mutual respect today is at its worst, and 54% of lawyers have experienced uncivil or unprofessional behavior in the last 6 months, as reported by the Illinois Supreme Court Commission on Professionalism. 

If your firm has been experiencing low employee engagement, high turnover, and high levels of employee burnout, consider that incivility in the workplace could be a culprit and that the “Suck it up Buttercup” philosophy is backfiring. In fact, when you look at the actual results of toughening up associates through incivility you see that this philosophy is really a Buttercup Fallacy. Especially when there are better ways to ‘toughen up’ your associates so that they are prepared for rude clients, overbearing opposing counsel, and potentially short-tempered judges. 

3 Costly Ways “Suck it Up Buttercup” Backfires

1. Low Employee Engagement

Gallup defines Employee Engagement as the involvement and enthusiasm employees have in their work and their workplace. Job satisfaction is closely tied to employees’ enthusiasm for their work and their employer. When employees aren’t treated with respect, they will check out and disengage from the offending parties and lose interest in their work. Far worse, they will lose respect for the people that treat them disrespectfully. Low engagement and disengagement are costly side effects of the Buttercup Fallacy. 

2. Burnout

According to a  Bloomberg Law study, respondents reported experiencing burnout 52% of the time. Burnout is a state of exhaustion that affects the physical, emotional, and mental aspects of a person caused by prolonged or repeated stress, especially from work or interpersonal situations. The Buttercup Fallacy is an example of this type of interpersonal situation – the unnecessary mistreatment of one person by another for the sake of creating resiliency. Burnout isn’t just stress; it is the impact of stress over long periods of time and under extreme conditions. The average person, and the team here at Fringe PD, would certainly consider being berated, yelled at, or subject to less than respectful treatment as an extreme condition. And, before you jump in with the “but they mean well” argument, let me share that the impact of this treatment is more important than the intent. Even if the intent is to create a more resilient attorney, the impact will lead to burnout before that attorney has the opportunity to build that supposed resilience.

3. Turnover

After an employee loses interest in their work and their departure from the firm is often not far behind. With the effects of burnout in the picture, their departure will likely be accelerated. Even if a few associates tough it out, and grow that thick skin becoming bulldog attorneys, many, many more will simply leave. According to the NALP Foundation’s 2021 report that 6% of first-year associates leave in their first year due to the lack of work-life balance, and, you guessed it, a toxic work culture. And this outcome doesn’t come cheap. Turnover costs organizations a pretty penny. In 2018, collectively, according to Attorney at Work, the top 400 law firms in the country lost $9.1 billion annually. In 2022, the figure stands at $1 trillion or can range between 20-400% of an employee’s salary. These costs and losses are an extremely high price for wanting to toughen up a few associates.

How to Train Tough Attorneys Without the Buttercup Fallacy

If partners and supervisors aren’t emulating tough clients, opposing counsel, and judges, how can we train associates to deal with those situations effectively? There are a few things you want to put in place. 

• Check in with the firm’s culture. Studies show when an employee is engaged with meaningful work AND in a positive company culture, their work quality can increase as much as 33%. Has the Buttercup philosophy permeated your firm’s culture? Or are there only a few holdouts engaging in this behavior? The data doesn’t lie – positive and engaging cultures lead to more productive and satisfied employees. So if the goal is to train effective and productive lawyers, the culture needs to shift away from the Buttercup Fallacy.
• Reward respectful behavior. Reflect on what incentives are in place at your firm. Look at who gets promoted and rewarded. If those who have a reputation for being difficult, yelling, and treating others disrespectfully get rewarded, their behavior will be emulated by others. Instead, be sure to reward the attorneys that have a reputation for upholding the firm’s values. Be sure that those are the behaviors that are called out and visible to others as key indicators of being a successful attorney.
• Provide training on dealing with difficult people. Associates don’t have to be exposed to disrespectful treatment to know how to handle it. Group training and small group or one-on-one coaching can give associates the skills and experience they need to handle uncomfortable and high-pressure situations. In fact, if an associate feels more engaged and confident in their work, they’re likely much more able to handle and bounce back from a contentious situation than if they’re burnt out and reactionary. (Reach out to us at FringePD to learn more about these solutions!)
• Provide coaching for the Partners. While behavior shifts are not easy, with the proper support and motivation, behavior shifts are possible. Often successful attorneys need to be reminded that they succeeded not because of the uncivil environments they came up in but in spite of them. Coaching can help folks realize that they are repeating behavior patterns that they themselves did not enjoy when they were more junior, and it can help build management toolboxes so that supervisors can train associates appropriately without resorting to this type of toxic exposure therapy. 

The age-old strategies for strengthening an associate’s resilience against rude and insolent behavior by subjecting them to said behavior are overrated and outdated. Civility and development are much more effective approaches to helping associates stand up to the pressures they will face as attorneys. And, not coincidentally, these are also the things that help create a positive firm culture that can retain top talent. Try them on for size and see the powerful effects they will have on your firm.

Schedule time with us today to learn more about how to shift some of these entrenched management philosophies and create more effective learning cultures. 

If you manage people, you may never have considered whether your leadership style hinders your team’s potential. But it’s an important question to ask. Whether you have reflected on it or not, now is a great time to explore how flexing your leadership style – adapting outside of your comfort zone – may improve your relationships and outcomes.

Before we jump in, what do we mean by “leadership style”? In this context, we’re talking about the way that you interact with your team, including how you communicate, how you complete team goals, and how you manage yourself and others. 

As a leader of people, having a consistent style is crucial. After all, your team benefits from consistency and clarity. But knowing when and where to adapt can make all the difference in unlocking your team’s capabilities. We often find that the leaders we work with lean too far in one direction or another. They either bend to the whim of every team member, creating chaos for their team and leaving themself feeling like they’re being pulled in a million directions, or they “are who they are” and refuse to adapt, leaving their team feeling unheard and boxed in. 

Let’s dive into the challenges of holding strong vs. flexing, the consequences of an inflexible approach, and how you can more effectively adapt. 

The Benefits of Having a Well-Defined Leadership Style:

It’s important to note that having a well-defined leadership style is important for every leader. You are always you, and this isn’t about changing your personality or your values. But you want to do some reflection and understand what your leadership style is so that you can adapt it when necessary. 

There are great benefits to having a clear and consistent style. Having an established style often helps build trust within a team, as it allows folks to understand their leader and get to know how to effectively work with them. This trust creates a more collaborative atmosphere, where team members feel empowered to share ideas, suggest solutions, and work together. But maintaining a clear and consistent style is not the same as establishing a rigid style, which has drawbacks.

The Pitfalls of Rigid Leadership:

Leaders who remain steadfast in their approach, unwilling to adapt to their team’s needs because they are, after all, “in charge,” often face diminished productivity, disengagement, and a lack of innovation. While a command and control leadership style can be effective in certain situations, it becomes counterproductive when it stifles creativity, disregards individual strengths, and fails to address changing circumstances. It’s essential to recognize the drawbacks of rigidity and understand that leadership isn’t a one-size-fits-all approach.

Consider a detail-oriented manager who insists on sticking to the plan regardless of the curveballs thrown at a project. They may struggle to lead effectively in chaotic environments where quick decisions are needed. The inflexible approach of this manager will likely prevent their team from reaching their full potential. 

The Art of Flexing:

Flexing requires self-awareness and a deep understanding of team members’ behaviors, motivations, and aspirations. By developing this insight, you can tailor your leadership style to their needs while remaining true to your values. Flexing situationally and strategically is vital; it’s not about yielding to every request that comes your way. Instead, it’s about discerning the moments where adaptation can foster growth, collaboration, and overall team success.

For example, a leader who typically provides their team with a detailed outline for how they want to address a problem may find immense benefit in giving their team more leeway when facing complex or novel challenges. By giving goals and guidance, but allowing the team to create the strategy for completion, the leader can encourage and draw out creative and innovative solutions that they may have never discovered on their own. 

And flexibility doesn’t only apply on the team level. Leaders can build stronger relationships with each of their team members if they understand how those individuals prefer to communicate and meet them in that style where appropriate. While a particular manager might love to engage in small talk and to get to know folks on a personal level, a team member may be more reserved and prefer to keep conversations strictly business. If the manager persists in trying to ask questions about this person’s personal life, the team member may feel uncomfortable and seek to lessen their interaction with their manager. On the other hand, if the manager picks up on this person’s style and adapts, they can keep their conversations more focused on the work at hand and build their relationship through those interactions, keeping the team member at ease. 

Concrete Strategies for Determining When to Flex:

So how do we know when it’s time to be flexible and when it’s time to stick to our leadership preferences? Cultivate the following skills, and this question will become easier to answer for yourself. 

1. Embrace Active Listening: Create an open environment where team members feel heard, valued, and encouraged to share. Actively listen, seeking to understand their perspectives and motivations, and pick up on what about their values, preferences, and style they’re communicating to you between the lines.
2. Assess Situational Needs: Evaluate the unique dynamics and challenges of each situation. Consider the strengths and weaknesses of your team members, the project requirements, and external factors impacting the task at hand. Adjust your leadership style accordingly. If you manage everyone in the same way, that’s a big sign that it’s time to reassess the effectiveness of that approach.
3. Cultivate Emotional Intelligence: Develop your ability to empathize and connect with others. Remember that we’ve graduated from the Golden Rule (treat others how you want to be treated) to the Platinum Rule: treat others the way that they want to be treated. Understanding others’ wants and needs will help you more effectively adapt when appropriate.
4. Encourage Autonomy: Trust your team members to make decisions within their areas of expertise. Empower them to take ownership, fostering a sense of accountability and innovation.
5. Continuously Learn and Grow: Be open to feedback and reflect on your leadership practices. In fact, don’t just be open to feedback, but actively seek it out from your team members. We often don’t have a good sense of how others perceive us, and we can’t understand that unless we specifically ask for it. (Check out this article for more tips on how to get helpful feedback as a leader.)

By flexing your leadership style, you can tap into your team’s diverse talents and strengths, fostering an environment that encourages collaboration, creativity, and high performance. Remember, the goal isn’t to abandon your core values and principles but to adapt your approach so that everyone on your team can succeed. 

As a leader, your ultimate goal is to create an environment where your team thrives. This requires a thoughtful balance between holding strong and flexing, which can only be achieved through building self-awareness and emotional intelligence to understand how your style impacts each of your team members. Embrace the power of flexing, and watch your team achieve new heights of success, innovation, and fulfillment.

Reach out for more ideas on how you can develop your own leadership style and effectively communicate with and manage your team.

Many of the folks we work with are lawyers who spend their days writing and interpreting language. Does this contract clause mean what my client or your client says it means? How can I write this sentence without leaving any room for ambiguity? Yet, when it comes to communication with colleagues, that same precision with language tends to go out the window, causing a few core issues.

Pitfall 1: Unclear Expectations

One of the biggest problems with unclear language is that it can create unrealistic or incorrect expectations. This can lead to confusion, frustration, and even resentment when expectations are not met. If someone asks you to complete something by the end of the week, what does that mean to you? Thursday? Friday? Friday at 5pm? Friday at midnight? In what time zone? Saturday?

If we aren’t precise with our language when we delegate, we might be left with unmet expectations. We’re often very clear in our minds about what work we need to do, how we want it done, and by when we want it done. But we don’t take the time to clearly articulate these expectations to our colleagues because we assume they know what we know. But they don’t. In fact, they’ll resolve any ambiguities based on their judgment of what they think is the best approach. But is that your approach? Who knows! Often, these miscommunications aren’t discovered until the work is turned in, by which time it’s usually too late to correct any problems, which leads to frustration and resentment from both sides. To avoid that mess, be as clear and specific as possible when delegating – define every term, just like you would in a contract. What does “end of the week” actually mean to you?

Pitfall 2: Miscommunication

If you don’t make your intentions clear, you run the risk of being misunderstood. And miscommunication can be costly in a professional setting – from getting the wrong results to potentially damaging relationships with clients or colleagues. A simple example is if someone asks you for a “quick update” on a project – do they mean a verbal update, an email, or a full report?

Another area where vagueness hurts is in feedback conversations. Feedback often sounds like, “you’re doing a great job,” or “everything is fine.” But if feedback aims to help someone improve, how are these vague statements giving them the information they need to shift their behavior? Every piece of feedback should clearly describe the behavior the recipient should continue, change, or stop and give them suggestions for how to do just that. The more specific the feedback, the easier it is for the person to adjust accordingly.

Pitfall 3: Inefficiency

Vague language often leads to wasted time and resources. If you don’t provide enough detail up-front, your team may spend hours working on something you didn’t want. Additionally, when expectations are unclear it can lead to misunderstandings and re-work, resulting in more time and money down the drain.

Avoiding the Pitfalls

The good news is that these types of issues can be avoided with a bit of effort. The key is always to be specific when communicating – whether in emails or conversations. Give clear instructions and provide as many details as you can. This will help ensure everyone is on the same page and avoids any confusion or misinterpretation.

We assume that people know what we mean – whether we’ve articulated that or not. And that can lead to a lot of miscommunication because most people aren’t mind-readers. That lack of mind-reading is especially problematic when it comes to delegation and feedback.

Tips for Writing and Communicating Clearly

Use Precise Language

• Avoid abstract or ambiguous language – use concrete, literal words where possible.
• Be specific and describe exactly what you want. Don’t leave any room for interpretation.
• Ensure your message has all the necessary context so your team can understand it better and more easily.
• Check yourself! Before you hit send, double-check that your message is clear and that the recipient will understand it exactly as intended.

Avoid Jargon and Unnecessary Words

• Ditch the industry-specific words and use simple, concise language.
• Avoid throwing in extra words to make a sentence sound more professional. Cut to the chase – get your point across as quickly and efficiently as possible.
• Don’t use multi-syllabic big words in an attempt to sound smart or intelligent. This isn’t Scrabble. Keep it simple and as easy to understand as possible.
• Choose your tone carefully. No matter what kind of message you’re sending, be sure your tone is appropriate and professional.

Ask Questions to Clarify Meaning or Intentions

• If something is unclear, don’t be afraid to ask for clarification. It’s better to ask questions than assume and risk misunderstanding or misinterpretation.
• If you aren’t sure if your communication was clear, ASK! Check in with the other person to see if they understood your meaning before ending the conversation.

Even when you’ve done your best to be specific, miscommunications are possible, so every delegation or feedback conversation should include clarification – time for the other person to tell you what they understood of what you said so that you can clear up any confusion. Ask questions to be sure that what you intended to communicate was received and understood.

Miscommunication is unavoidable, but we can minimize that risk if we go into every conversation aiming to define every term. Specificity in language is the guard against miscommunication, so be as detailed and precise as possible. And always ask for clarification so that you know that you were understood.

So, the next time you find yourself communicating with someone, take a few extra minutes to make sure they understand exactly what you mean (and vice versa). A little bit of clarity goes a long way in avoiding the pitfalls of undefined terms!

Happy communicating!

Here’s some good news – we don’t have to leave team dynamics to chance. As a leader, we have the ability to determine how our teams function and how people feel as part of them. By engaging in some key behaviors, collectively known as inclusive leadership, we can help ensure that we’re creating a great team atmosphere for everyone involved.

Inclusive leadership is a way of leading and managing where every team member feels motivated, valued, and like they belong. Not only does this create positive feelings and a sense of cohesion, but these are also the conditions needed for people to feel motivated and able to do their best work.

So what are some of the things that inclusive leaders do differently? Here are a few key practices:

Increase your self-awareness to increase your leadership.

Most of us don’t wake up in the morning with the intention of being jerks to our teammates. But we all have moments when we’re not at our best – when we’re stressed, tired, or feeling underappreciated. And unfortunately, we can take those feelings out on each other – often unintentionally. The first step in being an inclusive leader is to become more aware of the impact of your behavior and how it may not align with your intentions. (Check out this tool to quickly gain some insight into how others view you.) Once you know how others perceive you, you can adjust your behavior to be more in line with your goal of inclusivity.

Be curious about yourself and leadership.

If we want our teammates to feel understood and included, we need to make an effort to understand them. The easiest way to do this is to get curious and ask folks questions. Not only will this help you understand them better, but it sends the message that you value their opinions and experiences. Catch yourself when you make assumptions or judgments about others, and instead, get curious and ask some questions, instead.

Engage with the whole person.

Often when we’re at work, we see our colleagues very one-dimensionally. We are the star of the movie, and our colleagues are supporting actors, only as deep as we need them to be to fulfill their role in our story. In reality, our colleagues are just as complex and complicated as we are. And if we don’t see that, we risk alienating them and making them feel like they’re not valued as individuals. Instead, take the time to get to know your colleagues as people – what are their interests outside of work? What motivates them? What makes them tick? When we engage with the whole person, we create a much more inclusive environment.

As team leaders, our behavior disproportionately impacts the team dynamic. So if we want to create great teams, it starts with us behaving in ways encouraging everyone to feel motivated, valued, and like they belong. When we do that, we set the stage for teams that can achieve anything.

And for those who don’t lead teams, don’t think you’re off the hook! By engaging in these behaviors yourself, you can help move the needle not just on how your colleagues feel but also on how you feel about your team. We all have the ability to lead, no matter our title!

For more leadership development tools, be sure to follow this blog. If you’re looking for support for yourself or your organization, the Fringe team is here to help. Check out our suite of tools, or get in touch to see how we can advance inclusive leadership in your organization!

What counts as incivility?

Incivility can be hard to define, but, like a Supreme Court Justice once said about porn, we know it when we see it. Incivility is rudeness, disrespect, and a general lack of caring for others. It’s the kind of behavior that makes you grit your teeth and boggles your mind. Incivility might be something as small as someone dropping you from an email chain, or it could be something much bigger, like having a boss or colleague scream at you from down the hall – yes, that’s a real example. Regardless of its size, incivility is always annoying and often frustrating. We’ve all been the victim of incivility at one time or another, and we’ve all been guilty of it as well. But what exactly is incivility? And why does it bother us so much?

Why focus on civility?

Some experts believe that incivility is on the rise. With the advent of social media, we’re more connected than ever before. But this increased connectivity has also led to more opportunities for rudeness and disrespect. When we’re not face-to-face with someone, it’s easy to say or do something that we wouldn’t normally do. This applies to hybrid work as well. Trust me, we love working remotely, but it is important to find time to humanize your colleagues virtually if you aren’t spending time with them IRL because anonymity can breed incivility. In addition, our fast-paced lives can lead to impatience and frustration, which can manifest as uncivil behavior. Whatever the reason, there’s no denying that incivility is a growing problem.

Make an impact, look within.

So what can we do about it? For starters, we can try to be more aware of our own behavior. When we’re feeling rushed or frazzled, we tend to engage more freely in uncivil behaviors. Bob Sutton would call this being an occasional asshole.  Stress is a part of life, but that doesn’t mean it has to take over. When it comes to managing stress at work, there are a few key things to keep in mind. First, take a step back and assess the situation. What is causing the stress? Is it a deadline, a difficult project, or something else? Once you identify the source of the stress, you can develop a plan to address it. Second, stay organized and focused. This may mean setting up a better system for tracking deadlines or taking a break every few hours to clear your head. Finally, don’t forget to take care of yourself. Make sure to schedule time for relaxation and exercise, and eat healthy meals to help reduce stress levels.

Step in and interrupt incivility the moment it occurs.

We can also encourage others to be more civil by speaking up when we witness rude behavior – especially for those of us who hold power and influence in our organizations.  It can be tough to know how to respond when someone is being rude at work. After all, you don’t want to make the situation worse. But at the same time, you don’t want to just let the rudeness slide. So what’s the best way to handle it? The key is to stay calm and assertive. Don’t let the other person provoke you into an argument. Instead, simply state your feelings clearly and directly. For example, you might say something like, “I’m feeling disrespected right now.” Once you’ve said your piece, walk away if possible. This will diffuse the situation and allow you both to cool down.

And finally, we can lead by example. By being more civil ourselves, we can set the tone for those around us and create a more positive workplace environment. So as we head into the home stretch of the year, let’s all commit to being more civil in the workplace. It’ll make our jobs easier and maybe even help us get along better with our coworkers. And who knows, we might even have a little fun in the process. So go ahead, sit with us. We promise to be civil.

So let’s look at why we typically shrink from honest feedback in the workplace — both giving and getting it — and see how you can build a habit that spins even the toughest criticism into professional development gold.

Why Feedback Feels Like

An inherent part of constructive feedback is its focus on our weak spots. By nature it overlooks all the many (many!!) areas where we’re (so obviously!) amazing at our jobs. This feels unfair because it ignores all the hard work we’ve already put into the areas of our performance that make us proud and that add real value to our teams. 

We also simply aren’t used to getting stark feedback, which makes the experience disorienting. Sure, we go through the motions of an annual review cycle or make it a practice to ask colleagues for feedback on our documents or presentations. But my experience from years in talent management is that we rarely get the type of feedback we actually need from these situations. Instead, we get watered-down, vague, or rushed versions of what people think of us, limited by their fears of hurt feelings, lack of anonymity, or long to-do lists. This indirect, unspecific feedback lets us check the box of continuous improvement and keeps everyone feeling polite and comfortable in the workplace — it’s also a huge waste of time. 

How To Make It Better

If you’re looking to actually grow in your career, then you need to hear the good, the bad, and the ugly of how other people perceive you in the workplace. Described below are some tactics I use with my Fringe PD clients to help them get to that next level of impact.

• Start small. Identify one piece of constructive feedback you’ve received that you’d like to learn more about. You don’t even have to agree with that feedback, and frankly, you probably won’t. You just have to be willing to be curious about it. By focusing on one area of investigation, you can turn whatever negative energy you’re feeling into positive motivation to learn more.
• Create conditions for privacy and honesty. For each area of curiosity, select at least 3 people, ideally with varying levels of seniority to you, who have observed the behavior. Reach out to them individually to let them know you’re working to improve your XYZ skills and would like to have a one-on-one conversation with them about what they’ve seen and how you might improve. When you get together, reiterate that you’re gathering information to support your professional growth and be clear that their honesty is important to you.
  
  Come prepared with 2-4 open-ended questions (How can I be clearer in my communication about XYZ? How has my current approach impacted you and your ability to do your job effectively?). And then — this is the really hard part! — actually listen to their answers. Resist the urge to interrupt, and try to speak only to summarize your understanding of what they said and to ask for their confirmation or clarification. This approach demonstrates that you really do want their feedback and encourages them to continue to be honest with you on future questions.
• Build accountability for yourself. At the end of each conversation, be sure to thank the other person and ask if it would be OK to follow up with any questions after some reflection. You’ll also want to close the loop by letting them know how you plan to apply their feedback and others’. This follow-up is just as important as asking for the feedback itself! Your colleagues took a risk by giving you their honest, unfiltered feedback. Don’t reward them for their vulnerability with a lack of follow-up. Once people see you taking their honest feedback seriously, they’re more likely to keep giving it to you.
• Ride the emotional wave. Even the most gently delivered feedback can cause a tsunami of emotions. Anticipate this natural reaction, and make a plan to navigate your emotions in a productive way until they pass, avoiding turning to unhealthy coping mechanisms. Once you return to a more neutral emotional state, you can revisit the feedback more objectively and will be in a better frame of mind to learn from it. Over time, this process will build up your tolerance for criticism, so that when you receive super harsh feedback — what might currently send you flying into a rage or crying in a corner — you’ll instead welcome that discomfort and trust that it will eventually pass. The intensity of your reaction may even be a sign that the feedback is particularly valuable.
• Commit to learning, not agreeing. You don’t have to agree with every piece of feedback you receive. Remember, each person is giving you their unique perspective in a single moment in time, which can hinge on a variety of unrelated factors like recency bias, their default communication style, and the last time they ate. You might also receive feedback that — even when considered thoughtfully and neutrally — is just plain wrong. And that’s OK! Don’t bend yourself into a pretzel trying to make everything make sense. Instead, ask yourself what you can learn from this feedback, and move on. 

Honest feedback is hard to come by these days. But when you do get it, you’ll know — because it’ll suck, and that’s a good thing! Using the tactics above, you’ll learn to move past these uncomfortable feelings and start to appreciate constructive feedback as a gift on your professional journey.

Interested in creating more opportunities for candid feedback in your organization? Ask us about Fringe Insights.