We’ve all been there. You feel like you’ve said the same thing over and over about what someone needs to do to improve their performance, and yet nothing ever seems to change. Over time, these feedback conversations become more and more frustrating for you and the other person, leading to frayed patience, stinging words, and an even bigger downward spiral in their performance—the very thing you wanted to improve in the first place! Want to break the feedback doom loop? Here are four pro tips that will help your feedback stick so you can get the best out of others and be the leader you aspire to be.

Why Feedback Doesn’t Always Take

Want to know why you’ve had so many conversations about what needs to improve and nothing changes? It probably has a lot to do with how human beings are fundamentally wired.  

Because the brain’s primary purpose is to keep us alive, it’s primed to be on the lookout for threats. Even if the conversation seems benign to you, feedback can still feel scary to the other person. Unfortunately, once the brain is hijacked and we move into a threat response, we aren’t capable of listening well and processing information. So even when the other person nods their head in understanding, if they are in distress, they can’t really hear what you have to say. In fact, all they are probably thinking about is digging in to defend their position (fight) or escaping from you (flight), leading to less progress and more frustration on both sides. For more on how you can manage yourself well during feedback conversations, check out this blog from my colleague Veronica Matthews.

Catch them doing something right

The fastest way to break the cycle? Be intentional about noticing what they do right and enthusiastically recognize it in the moment. As Marcus Buckingham and Ashley Goodall note, “By helping your team member recognize what excellence looks like [ ]—by saying, “That! Yes, that!”—you’re offering [] her the chance to gain an insight; you’re highlighting a pattern that is already there [ ] within her so that [they] can recognize it, anchor it, re-create it, and refine it.” 

When people feel good because their accomplishments are recognized, they will feel motivated to do those things, even more, to keep those positive emotions flowing. So if you are overly aggressive in anything you do when it comes to feedback, make it noticing them doing things the way you want and call it out!

Keep it clean!

It’s normal to be frustrated when working with someone who seems stuck. Unfortunately, our false perceptions about why they are stuck can lead us to be extra spicy and even personal in our feedback exchanges, all of which are counterproductive to behavior change.

To remove the sting from your conversation, prep ahead of time and focus on using “clean” language free of adjectives and descriptors. Just stick with sharing the who, what, when, and where of the situation. Notice I skipped the why. This is because why often implies judgment, and feedback that sticks is grounded facts and not your interpretation of the other person’s motivations. As Dane Jensen and Peggy Baumgartner write, “This ability to separate observations from interpretations is the cornerstone of effective feedback because it minimizes the potential for debate (“I wasn’t rude; I was direct!”) and keeps the discussion focused squarely on observable facts.” 

Make it about learning…not lecturing

One of my coaching mentors recently told me, when it comes to development, “The treasure is in the bumps in the road.” So once you’ve delivered a descriptor-free summary of your observations, help them find the gold in their performance hiccups by having a learning-focused conversation, not a lecture.  

 Ask open-ended questions, like:

“When you faced a challenge like this in the past, what worked for you?”

“What will you do differently next time?”

“What obstacles might you face along the way?”

But the conversation shouldn’t just be about what they can do. By asking, “What can I start/stop doing that will make it easier to work with me?”, you can strengthen your partnership and make it clear that feedback is good for you too. You might even find there is something specific you can do, like being more explicit about due dates, that will help accelerate their progress and reshape their perception of you. 

Most importantly, follow up regularly

In the Marine Corps, we say: “Supervision is the most important troop leading step,” and this is especially true when it comes to behavioral change. The more consistent non-judgmental rudder steers and positive reinforcement we can provide along the way, the more emotionally ready your colleague will be to receive feedback in the future and the faster they will improve. So, create reminders on your calendar to follow up. And if they tell you something isn’t working, collaborate on new options, which will further cement your partnership and learning. 

As you move forward, be prepared for setbacks. It’s human nature to revert back to familiar behaviors, especially when we are under stress. When you notice this, simply share your observation with them in a non-judgmental way and ask what they are noticing. Often, just having a short conversation is enough to create awareness and get things back on track.

Remember that the effort you put into upping your own feedback game to improve your team’s performance can also ensure you show up in the way you aspire to as a leader. The more you demonstrate your own willingness to learn and grow, the more open others will be to changing and the more accelerated their growth will be– proof that feedback that sticks but doesn’t sting is a win-win for everyone.

Did you find the pro tips for giving feedback in this blog post helpful? At Fringe, we have a ton of tricks up our sleeves that you can use to improve how you communicate and lead. Schedule a call with us to discuss how a workshop on feedback or our coaching support could help you strengthen relationships and elevate your team’s performance to the next level. 

I remember when I met with my first business accountant in 2017. I sat in his formal office space, trying to explain to him the business I envisioned and seeking his input on how to think about the finances of such a business. Most people don’t remember a meeting with an accountant nearly seven years later. Still, this meeting stands out because I knew in that one-hour conversation that we were fundamentally misaligned. I knew this because of one small thing the accountant said to me. “Well,” he mused, looking at my anticipatory budget spreadsheet, “at some point, you’ll need to add office space to this budget.” I was confused, befuddled, and even amused! I thought, why would I ever want to take on the headache of a physical office? Even if I had a staff someday, I couldn’t imagine limiting my recruiting to one market, taking on significant overhead when all of our work happens in the cloud, or asking team members to take time out of their busy lives to commute daily. 

Of course, in 2017, a fully remote workforce was a fantasy most people didn’t even know was an option! Queue 2020 and a global pandemic, and suddenly, everyone who used to go to an office daily lived in my virtual remote working world. Granted, that transition wasn’t by choice and was remarkably abrupt, but eyes were opened, and we’d never look at office work the same way again. Now, here we are almost four years later, and industry digests and news publications are riddled with articles about organizations pushing (bribing, coercing…?) their employees back into the office. So, this one goes out to all the leaders of remote and hybrid teams – yes, they still exist! Let’s talk about effectively leading a team when you’re NOT returning to an office. 

Tell me MORE:

Effective communication lies at the heart of successful leadership in hybrid and remote teams. Leaders must be adept at conveying their vision, goals, and expectations clearly and consistently. Clear communication involves mastering written communication and leveraging various digital tools for virtual meetings, instant messaging, and collaborative platforms. At Fringe, we use the project management tool Monday.com and video messaging from Loom to ensure our communication is effective and efficient. Furthermore, active listening is a crucial communication component, ensuring team members feel heard and valued despite the physical distance.

Get it online

As you can see in the tools mentioned above,  hybrid leaders must be comfortable with technology. Familiarity with the tools and platforms your team uses is vital. Moreover, embracing new technology and staying up-to-date with digital trends can improve your team’s efficiency and innovation.  Hello, AI! I have heard many leaders tell me they “aren’t good at tech,” and I understand feeling overwhelmed by it. But remember, due to the nature of the products and use cases, these technologies are designed for anyone to be able to pick them up if you take the time to learn them. 

Stop Being “Big Brother”

You can have all the tools and communication skills in the world, but a hybrid or remote environment will never work if you don’t trust your team. Trust starts with hiring folks you believe in and builds with targeted behaviors once they join your team. Leaders should foster an environment where team members feel comfortable sharing their thoughts and concerns. You build trust through transparency, consistent follow-through on commitments, and providing support when needed. Remember, trust is the foundation of collaboration and teamwork, regardless of physical proximity.

Engage Your Empathy

Speaking of building trust, leaders who exhibit empathy and emotional intelligence are better equipped to understand their team members’ feelings and needs. Remote and hybrid team members might face unique challenges, such as feelings of isolation or difficulty balancing work and personal life. Leaders who can empathize with these challenges and offer support through regular check-ins or flexible work arrangements will foster a more positive and motivated team.

Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries!

Remote work can blur the lines between work and personal life. Leaders must encourage and empower their teams to establish boundaries and manage their time effectively. Start by encouraging the utilization of flex policies and downtime to prevent burnout. It’s your job to be on the front lines of ensuring boundaries are established and followed through on. For example, we have an unlimited paid time off policy. When most people who have worked in large organizations hear this, I can sense the eye roll coming. Unlimited PTO at most places is a shiny recruiting tool that practically has an unspoken rule to utilize only in case of severe emergencies. It’s a classic organizational bait & switch. At Fringe, we track PTO, and if a team member isn’t taking it, they WILL get a call from leadership not only encouraging them to do so but partnering with them to find and schedule leave as soon as possible. 

Conflict Resolution

Conflict is a natural part of any team, and in a remote or hybrid setting, it can escalate if not addressed promptly. Leaders should be skilled in conflict resolution, fostering open and respectful discussions to resolve issues. Addressing conflicts early can prevent them from escalating and negatively affecting team morale.

Team Building and Recognition

Building a sense of camaraderie in a remote or hybrid team can be challenging, but it’s essential for team cohesion. Leaders should organize virtual team-building activities, celebrate achievements, and recognize team members’ contributions in their digital public forums. These actions create a positive and inclusive team culture, even in a dispersed work environment.

Leading a hybrid or remote team requires unique skills and behaviors focusing on effective communication, trust-building, adaptability, and empathy. By mastering these essential qualities, leaders can navigate the challenges and reap the benefits of this evolving work landscape, ultimately driving success for their teams and organizations. 

It’s no secret, lawyers and the legal profession have been referred to as dog-eat-dog. It is understandable why – the legal system is inherently adversarial; the situations involve high stakes; and there are extreme time pressures. One might also say that many successful attorneys came up through the ranks under partners who could be described as bristly, all in the name of learning how to be resilient and tough.

No doubt, clients may yell, opposing counsel will oftentimes go for the jugular, and judges will be no-nonsense. No doubt, associates will need to learn how to respond to these situations without folding under pressure. What better way to train them in how to respond than by being mean, adversarial, and harsh, right? Actually, No! 

Just because that’s how it was done in the past doesn’t make it the best way to handle things now, or ever, really. In fact, being mean, bristly, and overly harsh could be regarded as bullying and uncivil, which could have damaging effects on your firm’s culture and ability to retain your top talent. No one will disagree that having thick skin in the legal profession is necessary; however, being mean to your associates with the intention of toughening them up just may backfire on you.

In fact, Christine Porath, author of Mastering Civility: A Manifesto for the Workplace, says that “rudeness and disrespect can pass from person to person like a virus and the human and financial toll on companies can be devastating.” Her findings include that incivility made people far less motivated, resulting in 66% less work effort, 80% loss of work time, and 12% choosing to leave their employment. According to 2Civility, 65% of people globally express that the lack of civility and mutual respect today is at its worst, and 54% of lawyers have experienced uncivil or unprofessional behavior in the last 6 months, as reported by the Illinois Supreme Court Commission on Professionalism. 

If your firm has been experiencing low employee engagement, high turnover, and high levels of employee burnout, consider that incivility in the workplace could be a culprit and that the “Suck it up Buttercup” philosophy is backfiring. In fact, when you look at the actual results of toughening up associates through incivility you see that this philosophy is really a Buttercup Fallacy. Especially when there are better ways to ‘toughen up’ your associates so that they are prepared for rude clients, overbearing opposing counsel, and potentially short-tempered judges. 

3 Costly Ways “Suck it Up Buttercup” Backfires

1. Low Employee Engagement

Gallup defines Employee Engagement as the involvement and enthusiasm employees have in their work and their workplace. Job satisfaction is closely tied to employees’ enthusiasm for their work and their employer. When employees aren’t treated with respect, they will check out and disengage from the offending parties and lose interest in their work. Far worse, they will lose respect for the people that treat them disrespectfully. Low engagement and disengagement are costly side effects of the Buttercup Fallacy. 

2. Burnout

According to a  Bloomberg Law study, respondents reported experiencing burnout 52% of the time. Burnout is a state of exhaustion that affects the physical, emotional, and mental aspects of a person caused by prolonged or repeated stress, especially from work or interpersonal situations. The Buttercup Fallacy is an example of this type of interpersonal situation – the unnecessary mistreatment of one person by another for the sake of creating resiliency. Burnout isn’t just stress; it is the impact of stress over long periods of time and under extreme conditions. The average person, and the team here at Fringe PD, would certainly consider being berated, yelled at, or subject to less than respectful treatment as an extreme condition. And, before you jump in with the “but they mean well” argument, let me share that the impact of this treatment is more important than the intent. Even if the intent is to create a more resilient attorney, the impact will lead to burnout before that attorney has the opportunity to build that supposed resilience.

3. Turnover

After an employee loses interest in their work and their departure from the firm is often not far behind. With the effects of burnout in the picture, their departure will likely be accelerated. Even if a few associates tough it out, and grow that thick skin becoming bulldog attorneys, many, many more will simply leave. According to the NALP Foundation’s 2021 report that 6% of first-year associates leave in their first year due to the lack of work-life balance, and, you guessed it, a toxic work culture. And this outcome doesn’t come cheap. Turnover costs organizations a pretty penny. In 2018, collectively, according to Attorney at Work, the top 400 law firms in the country lost $9.1 billion annually. In 2022, the figure stands at $1 trillion or can range between 20-400% of an employee’s salary. These costs and losses are an extremely high price for wanting to toughen up a few associates.

How to Train Tough Attorneys Without the Buttercup Fallacy

If partners and supervisors aren’t emulating tough clients, opposing counsel, and judges, how can we train associates to deal with those situations effectively? There are a few things you want to put in place. 

• Check in with the firm’s culture. Studies show when an employee is engaged with meaningful work AND in a positive company culture, their work quality can increase as much as 33%. Has the Buttercup philosophy permeated your firm’s culture? Or are there only a few holdouts engaging in this behavior? The data doesn’t lie – positive and engaging cultures lead to more productive and satisfied employees. So if the goal is to train effective and productive lawyers, the culture needs to shift away from the Buttercup Fallacy.
• Reward respectful behavior. Reflect on what incentives are in place at your firm. Look at who gets promoted and rewarded. If those who have a reputation for being difficult, yelling, and treating others disrespectfully get rewarded, their behavior will be emulated by others. Instead, be sure to reward the attorneys that have a reputation for upholding the firm’s values. Be sure that those are the behaviors that are called out and visible to others as key indicators of being a successful attorney.
• Provide training on dealing with difficult people. Associates don’t have to be exposed to disrespectful treatment to know how to handle it. Group training and small group or one-on-one coaching can give associates the skills and experience they need to handle uncomfortable and high-pressure situations. In fact, if an associate feels more engaged and confident in their work, they’re likely much more able to handle and bounce back from a contentious situation than if they’re burnt out and reactionary. (Reach out to us at FringePD to learn more about these solutions!)
• Provide coaching for the Partners. While behavior shifts are not easy, with the proper support and motivation, behavior shifts are possible. Often successful attorneys need to be reminded that they succeeded not because of the uncivil environments they came up in but in spite of them. Coaching can help folks realize that they are repeating behavior patterns that they themselves did not enjoy when they were more junior, and it can help build management toolboxes so that supervisors can train associates appropriately without resorting to this type of toxic exposure therapy. 

The age-old strategies for strengthening an associate’s resilience against rude and insolent behavior by subjecting them to said behavior are overrated and outdated. Civility and development are much more effective approaches to helping associates stand up to the pressures they will face as attorneys. And, not coincidentally, these are also the things that help create a positive firm culture that can retain top talent. Try them on for size and see the powerful effects they will have on your firm.

Schedule time with us today to learn more about how to shift some of these entrenched management philosophies and create more effective learning cultures. 

If you manage people, you may never have considered whether your leadership style hinders your team’s potential. But it’s an important question to ask. Whether you have reflected on it or not, now is a great time to explore how flexing your leadership style – adapting outside of your comfort zone – may improve your relationships and outcomes.

Before we jump in, what do we mean by “leadership style”? In this context, we’re talking about the way that you interact with your team, including how you communicate, how you complete team goals, and how you manage yourself and others. 

As a leader of people, having a consistent style is crucial. After all, your team benefits from consistency and clarity. But knowing when and where to adapt can make all the difference in unlocking your team’s capabilities. We often find that the leaders we work with lean too far in one direction or another. They either bend to the whim of every team member, creating chaos for their team and leaving themself feeling like they’re being pulled in a million directions, or they “are who they are” and refuse to adapt, leaving their team feeling unheard and boxed in. 

Let’s dive into the challenges of holding strong vs. flexing, the consequences of an inflexible approach, and how you can more effectively adapt. 

The Benefits of Having a Well-Defined Leadership Style:

It’s important to note that having a well-defined leadership style is important for every leader. You are always you, and this isn’t about changing your personality or your values. But you want to do some reflection and understand what your leadership style is so that you can adapt it when necessary. 

There are great benefits to having a clear and consistent style. Having an established style often helps build trust within a team, as it allows folks to understand their leader and get to know how to effectively work with them. This trust creates a more collaborative atmosphere, where team members feel empowered to share ideas, suggest solutions, and work together. But maintaining a clear and consistent style is not the same as establishing a rigid style, which has drawbacks.

The Pitfalls of Rigid Leadership:

Leaders who remain steadfast in their approach, unwilling to adapt to their team’s needs because they are, after all, “in charge,” often face diminished productivity, disengagement, and a lack of innovation. While a command and control leadership style can be effective in certain situations, it becomes counterproductive when it stifles creativity, disregards individual strengths, and fails to address changing circumstances. It’s essential to recognize the drawbacks of rigidity and understand that leadership isn’t a one-size-fits-all approach.

Consider a detail-oriented manager who insists on sticking to the plan regardless of the curveballs thrown at a project. They may struggle to lead effectively in chaotic environments where quick decisions are needed. The inflexible approach of this manager will likely prevent their team from reaching their full potential. 

The Art of Flexing:

Flexing requires self-awareness and a deep understanding of team members’ behaviors, motivations, and aspirations. By developing this insight, you can tailor your leadership style to their needs while remaining true to your values. Flexing situationally and strategically is vital; it’s not about yielding to every request that comes your way. Instead, it’s about discerning the moments where adaptation can foster growth, collaboration, and overall team success.

For example, a leader who typically provides their team with a detailed outline for how they want to address a problem may find immense benefit in giving their team more leeway when facing complex or novel challenges. By giving goals and guidance, but allowing the team to create the strategy for completion, the leader can encourage and draw out creative and innovative solutions that they may have never discovered on their own. 

And flexibility doesn’t only apply on the team level. Leaders can build stronger relationships with each of their team members if they understand how those individuals prefer to communicate and meet them in that style where appropriate. While a particular manager might love to engage in small talk and to get to know folks on a personal level, a team member may be more reserved and prefer to keep conversations strictly business. If the manager persists in trying to ask questions about this person’s personal life, the team member may feel uncomfortable and seek to lessen their interaction with their manager. On the other hand, if the manager picks up on this person’s style and adapts, they can keep their conversations more focused on the work at hand and build their relationship through those interactions, keeping the team member at ease. 

Concrete Strategies for Determining When to Flex:

So how do we know when it’s time to be flexible and when it’s time to stick to our leadership preferences? Cultivate the following skills, and this question will become easier to answer for yourself. 

1. Embrace Active Listening: Create an open environment where team members feel heard, valued, and encouraged to share. Actively listen, seeking to understand their perspectives and motivations, and pick up on what about their values, preferences, and style they’re communicating to you between the lines.
2. Assess Situational Needs: Evaluate the unique dynamics and challenges of each situation. Consider the strengths and weaknesses of your team members, the project requirements, and external factors impacting the task at hand. Adjust your leadership style accordingly. If you manage everyone in the same way, that’s a big sign that it’s time to reassess the effectiveness of that approach.
3. Cultivate Emotional Intelligence: Develop your ability to empathize and connect with others. Remember that we’ve graduated from the Golden Rule (treat others how you want to be treated) to the Platinum Rule: treat others the way that they want to be treated. Understanding others’ wants and needs will help you more effectively adapt when appropriate.
4. Encourage Autonomy: Trust your team members to make decisions within their areas of expertise. Empower them to take ownership, fostering a sense of accountability and innovation.
5. Continuously Learn and Grow: Be open to feedback and reflect on your leadership practices. In fact, don’t just be open to feedback, but actively seek it out from your team members. We often don’t have a good sense of how others perceive us, and we can’t understand that unless we specifically ask for it. (Check out this article for more tips on how to get helpful feedback as a leader.)

By flexing your leadership style, you can tap into your team’s diverse talents and strengths, fostering an environment that encourages collaboration, creativity, and high performance. Remember, the goal isn’t to abandon your core values and principles but to adapt your approach so that everyone on your team can succeed. 

As a leader, your ultimate goal is to create an environment where your team thrives. This requires a thoughtful balance between holding strong and flexing, which can only be achieved through building self-awareness and emotional intelligence to understand how your style impacts each of your team members. Embrace the power of flexing, and watch your team achieve new heights of success, innovation, and fulfillment.

Reach out for more ideas on how you can develop your own leadership style and effectively communicate with and manage your team.

Many of the folks we work with are lawyers who spend their days writing and interpreting language. Does this contract clause mean what my client or your client says it means? How can I write this sentence without leaving any room for ambiguity? Yet, when it comes to communication with colleagues, that same precision with language tends to go out the window, causing a few core issues.

Pitfall 1: Unclear Expectations

One of the biggest problems with unclear language is that it can create unrealistic or incorrect expectations. This can lead to confusion, frustration, and even resentment when expectations are not met. If someone asks you to complete something by the end of the week, what does that mean to you? Thursday? Friday? Friday at 5pm? Friday at midnight? In what time zone? Saturday?

If we aren’t precise with our language when we delegate, we might be left with unmet expectations. We’re often very clear in our minds about what work we need to do, how we want it done, and by when we want it done. But we don’t take the time to clearly articulate these expectations to our colleagues because we assume they know what we know. But they don’t. In fact, they’ll resolve any ambiguities based on their judgment of what they think is the best approach. But is that your approach? Who knows! Often, these miscommunications aren’t discovered until the work is turned in, by which time it’s usually too late to correct any problems, which leads to frustration and resentment from both sides. To avoid that mess, be as clear and specific as possible when delegating – define every term, just like you would in a contract. What does “end of the week” actually mean to you?

Pitfall 2: Miscommunication

If you don’t make your intentions clear, you run the risk of being misunderstood. And miscommunication can be costly in a professional setting – from getting the wrong results to potentially damaging relationships with clients or colleagues. A simple example is if someone asks you for a “quick update” on a project – do they mean a verbal update, an email, or a full report?

Another area where vagueness hurts is in feedback conversations. Feedback often sounds like, “you’re doing a great job,” or “everything is fine.” But if feedback aims to help someone improve, how are these vague statements giving them the information they need to shift their behavior? Every piece of feedback should clearly describe the behavior the recipient should continue, change, or stop and give them suggestions for how to do just that. The more specific the feedback, the easier it is for the person to adjust accordingly.

Pitfall 3: Inefficiency

Vague language often leads to wasted time and resources. If you don’t provide enough detail up-front, your team may spend hours working on something you didn’t want. Additionally, when expectations are unclear it can lead to misunderstandings and re-work, resulting in more time and money down the drain.

Avoiding the Pitfalls

The good news is that these types of issues can be avoided with a bit of effort. The key is always to be specific when communicating – whether in emails or conversations. Give clear instructions and provide as many details as you can. This will help ensure everyone is on the same page and avoids any confusion or misinterpretation.

We assume that people know what we mean – whether we’ve articulated that or not. And that can lead to a lot of miscommunication because most people aren’t mind-readers. That lack of mind-reading is especially problematic when it comes to delegation and feedback.

Tips for Writing and Communicating Clearly

Use Precise Language

• Avoid abstract or ambiguous language – use concrete, literal words where possible.
• Be specific and describe exactly what you want. Don’t leave any room for interpretation.
• Ensure your message has all the necessary context so your team can understand it better and more easily.
• Check yourself! Before you hit send, double-check that your message is clear and that the recipient will understand it exactly as intended.

Avoid Jargon and Unnecessary Words

• Ditch the industry-specific words and use simple, concise language.
• Avoid throwing in extra words to make a sentence sound more professional. Cut to the chase – get your point across as quickly and efficiently as possible.
• Don’t use multi-syllabic big words in an attempt to sound smart or intelligent. This isn’t Scrabble. Keep it simple and as easy to understand as possible.
• Choose your tone carefully. No matter what kind of message you’re sending, be sure your tone is appropriate and professional.

Ask Questions to Clarify Meaning or Intentions

• If something is unclear, don’t be afraid to ask for clarification. It’s better to ask questions than assume and risk misunderstanding or misinterpretation.
• If you aren’t sure if your communication was clear, ASK! Check in with the other person to see if they understood your meaning before ending the conversation.

Even when you’ve done your best to be specific, miscommunications are possible, so every delegation or feedback conversation should include clarification – time for the other person to tell you what they understood of what you said so that you can clear up any confusion. Ask questions to be sure that what you intended to communicate was received and understood.

Miscommunication is unavoidable, but we can minimize that risk if we go into every conversation aiming to define every term. Specificity in language is the guard against miscommunication, so be as detailed and precise as possible. And always ask for clarification so that you know that you were understood.

So, the next time you find yourself communicating with someone, take a few extra minutes to make sure they understand exactly what you mean (and vice versa). A little bit of clarity goes a long way in avoiding the pitfalls of undefined terms!

Happy communicating!

Let’s define “client” before we dive in.

Every job, traditionally client-facing or otherwise, has a “client” in the mix. Even someone in an entry-level admin role should be thinking about client service. In this case, that person’s supervisor becomes the client. For folks at more senior levels of an organization, they may face many clients (both internal and external), all with different needs, interests, and concerns. At its core, good “client” service is simply the ability to manage up effectively. And, while we at Fringe PD think managing up is a core professional development skill necessary for career advancement, it likely wouldn’t surprise you to see how many seasoned professionals come to us with little to no knowledge of the skillset needed for managing up successfully. So, let’s start with some basics and debunk some of our favorite client service/managing up myths.

Managing Up Does Not Ask You to be Exclusively a “Yes!” Person.

As an initial matter, excellent client service does not mean saying yes to every request. Following the lead of improv comics, our inclination should not be to say yes to every ask; instead, we should be saying “yes, and…”

Remember, our clients are working with limited information. They think they know what they need and the timeline they need it on, but you’re the expert. Clients come to you with their wants, and it’s your job to help them understand their needs. How do you bridge that gap?

Step one of great client management is to ask a lot of questions. Rarely should a client request not be followed by clarifying questions from you. Understand why they’re asking for what they’re asking. What are their goals? What do they hope to achieve with this request? What stakeholders are they trying to please? Knowing this background can help you determine whether what the client is asking for is really what they need or whether they need something else entirely.

Client Service Means Setting Boundaries to Provide Quality.

Second, be straightforward about your limitations. We often sense that if we say no or push back, the client will find someone else to provide the service. But clients are people, too, and are often more understanding than we give them credit for. Be upfront if a client imposes a deadline you’re worried you can’t meet. Ask where that deadline is coming from – often, deadlines are arbitrarily chosen dates based on our best wishes and can easily be moved. But sometimes deadlines are set in stone. If that’s the case, be clear about what other resources you might need to meet that deadline, or, if those resources aren’t available, the sacrifices in work product that might need to be made to reach that deadline.

To Serve a Client, You Must Understand their Needs and Desires.

Not to flip-flop on you, but you also don’t want to be a “no” person. While you don’t want to give an unreserved “yes,” you also don’t want to give the impression that you always say no. Nothing will turn a client off more than feeling that every time they ask for something, they get a no…or a very disgruntled yes. Even if you’re asking questions or pushing back on a client request, do so with a positive attitude and reinforce that you share the client’s goals: to get them exactly what they need, on time, and at the highest possible level. Find ways to meet the client’s needs while managing your (or your team’s) bandwidth. Pro tip: We find that sharing the difference in quality with a client can between their timeline and yours can be illuminating.

“We can certainly get that to you by next week. We can provide a cursory analysis and minimal guidance to get you started in that timeframe. If we have an extra few days, we can deliver a more thorough analysis and a full set of recommendations. Which would be most helpful for you?”

Oftentimes, as the section on “yes” above illustrates, we are making assumptions about the needs of our clients. With the example statement, you might find that the client would prefer expediency to thoroughness and will be happy to take your qualified work product on a faster timeline. They may also realize the importance of the detail you outline and change their mind about the pace of the work in light of that. Of course, there will always be clients who want both outcomes. In these situations, we are reminded of the old saying, “Good, fast, or cheap, you can only have two.”

Strategies for Refusing a Request in the Best Possible Way

Finally, think creatively about how you can say no without saying no. Frame the conversation as an opportunity or a challenge that you and your client can tackle together. The goal is to devise a solution that meets the client’s needs while recognizing that you cannot blindly say yes whenever they ask for something.

By being more assertive, you can find better solutions that meet your client’s needs while maintaining a positive relationship and delivering the highest quality service. Ultimately, balancing your client’s desires with your realistic capabilities is beneficial not only for your client but also for you and your career!

Good client service isn’t just about saying yes – it’s also about knowing when to say no. Establishing boundaries and understanding the client’s needs can help you provide excellent service while avoiding burnout and unhappiness. And by asking questions and thinking creatively, you may find solutions that reach beyond a gut reaction of “yes” or “no.” In the end, the best approach is to be assertive and collaborative with your clients, using the technique of saying “yes, and…” to ensure that you both get what you need.

Don’t be afraid to ask questions and push back when needed to get the best results; your clients will thank you later!

Looking for more support in managing up or providing excellent client service? Executive coaching can help you implement these skills in a way that feels authentic and comfortable. Reach out to us to learn more.

The challenge with gathering feedback as a leader

It often seems easier to take the path of least resistance by not asking for feedback and instead hoping that if somebody has something to say, they will come to you with it. As a matter of fact, I’ve heard countless leaders say, “I have an open-door policy; please come to me with any feedback!” But if you’re one of those people, be honest; when was the last time someone came to you with something you didn’t want to hear about your leadership skills?

We know that feedback is a key piece of continued learning and development, but that doesn’t stop being true once you become a manager. Many folks find themselves leading teams without having any experience as a people manager before – we sort of assume that we’ll figure it out as we go. But management is a skill just like any of the substantive skills that got you to your role. And just as I’m sure you needed feedback to improve your substantive work, you need feedback to improve as a manager.

But for all of those folks with “open-door” policies who aren’t hearing any constructive feedback, don’t mistake that silence for positive feedback. Just because folks aren’t coming to you with feedback, or they’re only bringing positive feedback, doesn’t mean you’re hitting it out of the park. In fact, silence can be a sign of a problem.

If you’re not getting the constructive feedback you need, here are a few things to consider.

No one knows that you want feedback.

We don’t get things that we don’t ask for. And a general “let me know how I’m doing” thrown out at the end of a team meeting does not count as asking for feedback. If you want useful feedback, you have to ask for it specifically. Is there a particular management skill you’re looking to improve? An area where you have a sneaking suspicion that things could be going better? Ask about those areas directly. Ask for one thing you’re doing well and one thing you could improve. If you use these prompts, the chances that you’ll receive actionable feedback are significantly higher.

People are scared to give you feedback.

Think about the most intimidating boss you’ve ever had. What would you say if they asked you how they were as a manager? If you’d be 100% honest, even about the bad stuff, you’re a unicorn. Most of us aren’t going to tell the person responsible for our professional lives that we think they need to do a better job. The fear of retaliation is real. So if you’ve asked for specific feedback and are only hearing the positives, it could be that folks feel uncomfortable giving you bad news.

What to do? First, get some feedback! While it might seem counterintuitive, the best way to get people to feel comfortable giving you feedback is to keep asking. The more they see that you really care and are taking this seriously, the more willing they might be to tell you the truth. Second, be vulnerable! Let the people know the areas you’re working on, and demonstrate that you’re willing to listen to feedback by staying calm and composed when you receive constructive feedback.

Lastly, do better! Show that you take feedback seriously by changing your behavior for the better. When folks see that you’re willing to change, they’re more likely to help you in that process by giving you honest feedback.

Hey, Maybe you’re actually doing an amazing job!

It is possible that you’re an amazing leader, and there is nothing that folks think you need to improve. But you won’t know that until you’ve done the work: asking for feedback, demonstrating you’re open to the constructive, and changing your behavior in response to that feedback. If you’ve done all of that, and you’re still only hearing positive feedback…well, there’s still more work to do. If we aren’t working toward something, we can grow stagnant, so set some professional development goals that will keep you motivated and energized. Just because your management skills are working now doesn’t mean they will forever, so don’t get complacent.

Getting feedback as a manager is essential for growth and development. If you don’t ask for specific, actionable feedback, it’s likely that your team won’t give it to you, either out of fear, respect, or just not having it top of mind. This is one area where silence isn’t golden!

If you’re looking to improve your leadership skills and feedback-receiving capabilities, consider investing in executive coaching and feedback training. With the help of a professional coach, you can learn more about how to ask for feedback, receive it constructively, and make meaningful changes based on that feedback. Investing in yourself is one of the best ways to ensure continued growth and professional success. Schedule some time with us to learn more about how executive coaching and feedback training can help you advance your leadership skills.

Here’s some good news – we don’t have to leave team dynamics to chance. As a leader, we have the ability to determine how our teams function and how people feel as part of them. By engaging in some key behaviors, collectively known as inclusive leadership, we can help ensure that we’re creating a great team atmosphere for everyone involved.

Inclusive leadership is a way of leading and managing where every team member feels motivated, valued, and like they belong. Not only does this create positive feelings and a sense of cohesion, but these are also the conditions needed for people to feel motivated and able to do their best work.

So what are some of the things that inclusive leaders do differently? Here are a few key practices:

Increase your self-awareness to increase your leadership.

Most of us don’t wake up in the morning with the intention of being jerks to our teammates. But we all have moments when we’re not at our best – when we’re stressed, tired, or feeling underappreciated. And unfortunately, we can take those feelings out on each other – often unintentionally. The first step in being an inclusive leader is to become more aware of the impact of your behavior and how it may not align with your intentions. (Check out this tool to quickly gain some insight into how others view you.) Once you know how others perceive you, you can adjust your behavior to be more in line with your goal of inclusivity.

Be curious about yourself and leadership.

If we want our teammates to feel understood and included, we need to make an effort to understand them. The easiest way to do this is to get curious and ask folks questions. Not only will this help you understand them better, but it sends the message that you value their opinions and experiences. Catch yourself when you make assumptions or judgments about others, and instead, get curious and ask some questions, instead.

Engage with the whole person.

Often when we’re at work, we see our colleagues very one-dimensionally. We are the star of the movie, and our colleagues are supporting actors, only as deep as we need them to be to fulfill their role in our story. In reality, our colleagues are just as complex and complicated as we are. And if we don’t see that, we risk alienating them and making them feel like they’re not valued as individuals. Instead, take the time to get to know your colleagues as people – what are their interests outside of work? What motivates them? What makes them tick? When we engage with the whole person, we create a much more inclusive environment.

As team leaders, our behavior disproportionately impacts the team dynamic. So if we want to create great teams, it starts with us behaving in ways encouraging everyone to feel motivated, valued, and like they belong. When we do that, we set the stage for teams that can achieve anything.

And for those who don’t lead teams, don’t think you’re off the hook! By engaging in these behaviors yourself, you can help move the needle not just on how your colleagues feel but also on how you feel about your team. We all have the ability to lead, no matter our title!

For more leadership development tools, be sure to follow this blog. If you’re looking for support for yourself or your organization, the Fringe team is here to help. Check out our suite of tools, or get in touch to see how we can advance inclusive leadership in your organization!

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So let’s look at why we typically shrink from honest feedback in the workplace — both giving and getting it — and see how you can build a habit that spins even the toughest criticism into professional development gold.

Why Feedback Feels Like

An inherent part of constructive feedback is its focus on our weak spots. By nature it overlooks all the many (many!!) areas where we’re (so obviously!) amazing at our jobs. This feels unfair because it ignores all the hard work we’ve already put into the areas of our performance that make us proud and that add real value to our teams.

We also simply aren’t used to getting stark feedback, which makes the experience disorienting. Sure, we go through the motions of an annual review cycle or make it a practice to ask colleagues for feedback on our documents or presentations. But my experience from years in talent management is that we rarely get the type of feedback we actually need from these situations. Instead, we get watered-down, vague, or rushed versions of what people think of us, limited by their fears of hurt feelings, lack of anonymity, or long to-do lists. This indirect, unspecific feedback lets us check the box of continuous improvement and keeps everyone feeling polite and comfortable in the workplace — it’s also a huge waste of time.

How To Make It Easier to Manage Feedback

If you’re looking to actually grow in your career, then you need to hear the good, the bad, and the ugly of how other people perceive you in the workplace. Described below are some tactics I use with my Fringe PD clients to help them get to that next level of impact.

Start small when addressing leadership feedback

Identify one piece of constructive feedback you’ve received that you’d like to learn more about. You don’t even have to agree with that feedback, and frankly, you probably won’t. You just have to be willing to be curious about it. By focusing on one area of investigation, you can turn whatever negative energy you’re feeling into positive motivation to learn more.

Create conditions for privacy and honesty

For each area of curiosity, select at least 3 people, ideally with varying levels of seniority to you, who have observed the behavior. Reach out to them individually to let them know you’re working to improve your XYZ skills and would like to have a one-on-one conversation with them about what they’ve seen and how you might improve. When you get together, reiterate that you’re gathering information to support your professional growth and be clear that their honesty is important to you.

Come prepared with 2-4 open-ended questions (How can I be clearer in my communication about XYZ? How has my current approach impacted you and your ability to do your job effectively?). And then — this is the really hard part! — actually listen to their answers. Resist the urge to interrupt, and try to speak only to summarize your understanding of what they said and to ask for their confirmation or clarification. This approach demonstrates that you really do want their feedback and encourages them to continue to be honest with you on future questions.

Build accountability for yourself

At the end of each conversation, be sure to thank the other person and ask if it would be OK to follow up with any questions after some reflection. You’ll also want to close the loop by letting them know how you plan to apply their feedback and others’. This follow-up is just as important as asking for the feedback itself! Your colleagues took a risk by giving you their honest, unfiltered feedback. Don’t reward them for their vulnerability with a lack of follow-up. Once people see you taking their honest feedback seriously, they’re more likely to keep giving it to you.

Ride the emotional wave. Even the most gently delivered feedback can cause a tsunami of emotions. Anticipate this natural reaction, and make a plan to navigate your emotions in a productive way until they pass, avoiding turning to unhealthy coping mechanisms. Once you return to a more neutral emotional state, you can revisit the feedback more objectively and will be in a better frame of mind to learn from it. Over time, this process will build up your tolerance for criticism, so that when you receive super harsh feedback — what might currently send you flying into a rage or crying in a corner — you’ll instead welcome that discomfort and trust that it will eventually pass. The intensity of your reaction may even be a sign that the feedback is particularly valuable.

Commit to learning, not agreeing

You don’t have to agree with every piece of feedback you receive. Remember, each person is giving you their unique perspective in a single moment in time, which can hinge on a variety of unrelated factors like recency bias, their default communication style, and the last time they ate. You might also receive feedback that — even when considered thoughtfully and neutrally — is just plain wrong. And that’s OK! Don’t bend yourself into a pretzel trying to make everything make sense. Instead, ask yourself what you can learn from this feedback, and move on.

Honest feedback is hard to come by these days. But when you do get it, you’ll know — because it’ll suck, and that’s a good thing! Using the tactics above, you’ll learn to move past these uncomfortable feelings and start to appreciate constructive feedback as a gift on your professional journey.

Interested in creating more opportunities for candid feedback in your organization? Ask us about Fringe Insights.

As your employees’ leader, it’s important that you hear honest feedback from them about your performance. After all, they’re the ones who see you in action every day and know how you’re really doing. That’s why upward feedback is so important. It allows you to get unfiltered input from the people who know you best. So go ahead and talk to your employees about why upward feedback is important. Explain that you really want to hear their honest thoughts about your leadership. They might just surprise you with what they have to say.

Ask them directly for their thoughts and opinions on your leadership skills and style.

If you really want to know how your team feels about your leadership skills, why not just ask them? You might be surprised by what they have to say. Of course, you need to be prepared to hear some criticism, but if you’re open to feedback, it can be a valuable way to learn and grow as a leader. Plus, it shows that you’re interested in what your team has to say and that you’re willing to make changes based on their input. So go ahead and ask your team for their thoughts on your leadership skills and style. You might be surprised by what you learn.

Be open to receiving constructive criticism and use it to improve your leadership skills.

One of the best ways to become a better leader is to be open to constructive criticism. By definition, constructive criticism is designed to help improve your work, so it’s important to listen to what others have to say and then use that feedback to make changes in your own leadership style. Of course, it can be difficult to hear negative feedback about your work, but try to keep an open mind and remember that the goal is to become a better leader, not perfect. In addition, it’s important to provide constructive criticism to your team members as well; by doing so, you’ll not only help them improve their work, but you’ll also establish yourself as a leader who is committed to continuous improvement.

Asking for upward feedback can be a difficult task, but it is an important part of leadership development. If you take the time to explain why upward feedback is important and ask for it in the right way, your employees will be more than happy to provide it. Upward feedback can help you become a better leader by providing critical input that you can use to improve your skills. So go ahead and ask for upward feedback from your employees – it might just be the best thing you ever do for your leadership development.

For more tips on giving and receiving feedback, follow Fringe insights. We’re always sharing new ways to improve your feedback game!

Now that you know the importance of upward feedback, check out our blog post on how to give downstream feedback. Giving feedback can be just as important as receiving it!